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Searching for Answers: Pit Bull T-Shirts, French Bulldog Woes, and More Poop

The other week I decided to start giving search terms (one of my fave parts of blogging) their moment in the sun. If you missed it, here’s how this is gonna work.

Short version: you search for stuff on Google and a blog pops up in the search results. If you click on the post, then the writer of the blog will see the search terms you used to find their blog in the “search term results” of their blog’s back end.

The search terms are some funny stuff. And don’t worry – it’s anonymous. I’ll never know who searched “cannot commit to children and pets” and wound up on my blog. Not that I don’t have my suspicions. 

Anywhoozle, here are some goodies from the latest batch of search terms. Enjoy!

“Are there t-shirts designed to fit pit bulls?”

Aw yeah! Are there any other dogs on the planet that look better in clothes than pit bulls? This (clearly biased) lady thinks not. The fine folks over at Fit for a Pit agree and they know just how to cut a tee to fit our dogs. Behold:

fit for a pit tees

see all the tees here

p.s. I bet they’ll let you buy one of these sweet tees even if you don’t have a pit bull.

“Are French Bulldogs easy to train off lead?”

“We rescued a 2 year old French Bulldog. He beats up all dogs that come to our home. Can his behavior be corrected?”

“Do French Bulldogs have cellphone aggression?”

“My French Bulldog chokes on his own bile”

I like to imagine that all of these searches are coming from the same family and they’ve got one French Bulldog that’s driving them nuts.

Considering I’ve never written about French Bulldogs before I have no idea why this poor family winds up on my blog every time they search for answers about this piece of work dog of theirs. But they keep landing here, so allow me to take a swing at this:

1. “Are French Bulldogs easy to train off lead?” Depends. How good a trainer are you? No matter what breed your dog may be, just know that it’ll take time to build up a reliable recall (even if you’re a pro and your dog is made of genius) which is a key factor in allowing a dog off lead. And even if they have a great recall, always obey leash laws. No excuses.

2. “We rescued a 2 year old French Bulldog. He beats up all dogs that come to our home. Can his behavior be corrected?” Yes, you can stop bringing strange dogs into his home. Unless your house is a bus stop for hobo dogs and you are required by contract to let them wait for the bus in your living room. Then you might want to work with a trainer to help your dog feel more comfortable with all these hobo dogs entering his home. He may never like itthat’s ok and normal – but perhaps you can help him cope a bit better by giving him some new skills with the help of a professional trainer. In the meantime, manage him and the other dog by crating/gating/leashing, so everyone is safe and your dog can’t rehearse that naughty hooligan behavior.

3. “Do French Bulldogs have cellphone aggression?” Do French Bulldogs work in retail? If so, yes. They hate it when people talk on the phone while they’re trying to ring them up. But, if your dog isn’t in customer service, maybe he’s just freaked out by your Bell Biv DeVoe ring tone? (Get your BBD fix here.) One thing I know for sure: hating mobile devices isn’t a breed thing.

4. “My French Bulldog chokes on his own bile” Poor kid. He’s so worked up from all the hobo dogs talking on their cell phones while he’s busy working on his off leash recall, it’s no wonder he’s puking up his guts.

I hope your vet can help. That sounds like it’s no fun at all.

Final thoughts for this family (or any one else that thought their dog’s breed would make them immune to dog problems): French Bulldogs are hella cute. Hella hella hella cute. So lots of humans snatch up one of these four-legged smashed-faced yummy dumplings because it’s pretty much impossible to resist these dogs. If you put a French Bulldog in front of me right now, I’d stuff it down my shirt and run.

But – hold on a sec, I’m getting up on my soapbox – no matter how cute or where you got them from, French Bulldogs are still dogs. They need training, management, and responsible ownership like any other dog. They’re also just as susceptible to regular dog problems, like leash reactivity, aggression, fear, and general in-need-of-basic-training glitches as any other dog.

That’s because there is NO breed on the planet that you can buy or rescue that will behave perfectly all the time and requires no effort on your part. It turns out that when you get a dog, costume changes are only like 1% of the real day-to-day shit. OK, maybe 3%. No matter what breed or mix your dog is, be prepared to train, manage, and help your dog succeed. Even if they’re hella cute, dogs still need you to do the work. It’s a partnership with a living being after all.

I have no idea if that rant applies to the specific family searching for help with their Frenchy, but I wanted to throw it in for good measure. Now on to the poop.

“Turkeys with wet dark poop”

This is what I get for putting “turkey” and “poop” in the same blog post. I have no one to blame but myself for this one. And now I’m starting to feel obligated to get educated on turkey care. Is there a Dancing with Turkeys book I should be reading? The Way of the Gobble?

That’s it for this week folks. I’ll see you on the back end of the blog!


  1. HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH! I love this series! Was especially fond of the Frenchie questions!

    July 29, 2013
    • So wait, is this your way of telling me Jake is the French Bulldog in ALL of these search terms? Because if it IS him, you should know I’d only love him more (and I’d shove him in my bra and steal him from you, if given the chance).

      July 29, 2013
  2. Awesome post. 🙂 Frenchies are stupidly adorable. Like, so much cute in one dog, HAS to be immoral. 😉 Thank you for the link to pit bull T’s. Nothing like trying to stuff 30 #’s of pit into a neck hole cut for 30# of beagle….

    July 29, 2013
    • I know right? I don’t blame people for forgetting they’re real dogs sometimes. They have some sort of Frenchie-Fog they deploy on humans to immobilize our common sense. And have fun t-shirt shopping!

      July 29, 2013
  3. Cheryl Noll #

    Sent from my iPhone

    July 29, 2013
  4. This sounds like fun to be a part of.

    July 29, 2013
  5. LOVE this post — cracked me up! Keep em coming!

    July 29, 2013
  6. That’s some funny stuff! Enjoyed it a lot 🙂

    July 29, 2013
  7. Absolutely LOVE this series! Looking forward to more to come 🙂

    July 30, 2013
  8. Lindsay Emery #

    Hilarious! Such a funny series and I wish I could give the Frenchie part to everyone looking to adopt that one perfect breed…

    July 31, 2013
  9. ann #

    i love this series and i am still laughing (and read it half an hour ago for the first time…)
    Thanks for making it clear that a dog is, no matter what breed- what surprise – a dog…

    July 31, 2013
  10. This post made me laugh out loud like eight times! As a side note, as a pitbull owner here in the Northeast, I’m pretty sure winter costume changes account for like 50% of the our daily interactions.

    July 31, 2013
  11. Muriel #

    Love it! I’m lucky enough to be owned by 2 gorgeous golden retrievers who thankfully aren’t DINOS & reading your blog has made me far more aware though of the difficulties DINOS face on a regular basis. I’m ashamed to say that I used to be a MDIF but thankfully I’m better educated nowadays.

    I’m amazed though at the number of times people have said to me “oh I wish my dog was as well behaved as yours” – as if they believe my dogs were born with good manners? The only reason they’re well behaved is because I have worked & CONTINUE to work with them on a daily basis, setting them up to succeed. It’s a work in progress & will probably be that way for the whole of their lives.

    July 31, 2013
    • You’re making my day Muriel – thanks so much for understanding the needs of DINOS. We really appreciate it (and many of us are recovering MDIFs too, so no shame there!!).

      But, wait a sec: are you telling me your dogs weren’t born walking on a loose leash? You had to teach them to do it?! 😉

      July 31, 2013
  12. Kathy #

    snorted tea out of my nose from hobo dogs talking on their cell phones while he’s trying to work on his recall. LOVE these posts!

    July 31, 2013
  13. gauchoman2002 #

    Awesome post but I’m stuck on the shirts just for pitties. We live in North Dakota and out deaf pittie never has much hair on her tummy/underparts, so when winter rolls around (Yikes!!) we try to dress her up to keep her warm, but nothing ever seems to fit right, so many thinks for passing along this link. Keep up the great work!!

    July 31, 2013
  14. Frenchies are my secret dog obsession, although it’s not really a secret since I have tried to steal a few myself.

    July 31, 2013
  15. Kristina #

    ohmygosh, this made me laugh. and that is quite an accomplishment- I don’t tend to laugh much at things that aren’t happening in real life / in person.
    …and I so so so wish I had $29 laying around to spend on that “I will cuddle you so hard” shirt for my doggie, Archer. He absolutely loves wearing sweaters and coats in the fall / winter, I’m sure he’d be all for wearing t-shirts too.

    July 31, 2013
  16. Hi Jessica! Can you email me when you get a chance? I’ve got a couple dog questions for you.

    September 27, 2013

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