Big Red Ball: A Love Story
Throughout the years, there has only been one toy Boogie hasn’t eventually destroyed. Today we’re sad to report that this toy, the Almost Indestructible Ball, is no longer available at most stores. We’re tipping our forties in its honor.
Luckily, he doesn’t need a new one just yet, since they last Boogie a few years, but one day it’ll be so beat up that he’ll need a replacement. Sigh. Then we’ll have to go in search of a new lover ball.
There’s the front runner: the Jolly Ball (just make sure you get the one without the handle: Boogie ate that right off). And a couple of others to try, like the Boomer Ball (good enough for hippos at the zoo!) and a new Indestructible Ball. But it won’t be the same to Boogie.
He’s feeling kind of blue about this, so he wrote a poem.
Ode to My Big Red Ball
By Boogie “The Nudge” Dolce
Today it snowed.
Mom will release you
from your Home Depot Bucket.
The one with the lid
I cannot get off.
They hide you from me because
I forget to poop when you are near me.
No matter how long I am outside
I don’t go.
I would never leave your side
To make a stinky number two.
There you are
Big Red Ball!
My chest bumps you along the ground.
I slam you into the deck.
I crack you against the trees.
My paws try to pull you closer,
then they spaz
out of control,
Pushing you away.
I didn’t mean it –
Mom calls me inside,
I cannot hear her
over my love for thee.
You make me squeal
like a crazy chicken-piglet.
I want to lie down and
chew you into pieces so bad.
But you taught me the meaning of
My Almost Indestructible Ball.
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OH my goodness, laughed out loud at my desk.
Love it! Great poem! Great photos!
This is great!
Love it! My dog had a boomer ball in the past & felt totally the same way about it. I got it from a charity auction & didn’t know if she’d like it. Wow was I in for a surprise! It lasted her several years until the mower hit it:( When I reordered the guy I talked to recommended the boomer challenger ball. It is way heavier & I can’t she her or the mower ever destroying it. However I think she liked the boomer ball better. She had it scraped down to a point that she could pick it up. I don’t think she will ever be able to do that with the challenger ball. Either way they are wonderful toys!
I think Boogie has some talent!
Boogie is my dog Brewster’s new favorite poet. He was getting tired of Carl Sandburg anyway.
My Mom told me that you liked my poem.
All the other dogs tell me I’m too sensitive.
Thanks for being so cool.
Wanna swap mix tapes some time?
Peace and Sweet Potatoes,
Dear Friend Boogie,
My LadyMomPerson said you wrote me a letter, and she set up a WordPress account because this silly site wouldn’t let us reply with Facebook.
I don’t have any mix tapes because I like to eat plastic, but I think you are cool, too. My LadyMomPerson says to tell your LadyMomPerson thanks for the good ideas about DINOS. My LadyMomPerson says I am a DINOS. I don’t know what that is, but I do know that I do not like the StrangerPeople, and my LadyMomPerson says your LadyMomPerson helps her do a better job keeping me safe. If you want to, you can see the stuff my LadyMomPerson writes about me on http://noellesdigressions.blogspot.com/. (There’s also some stuff about the weird things she does with sticks and strings called “knitting,” but the important stuff is about me.)
Dear Big B,
I’m sorry the WordPress police oppressed you. My mom forgot she made the comment settings extra tough, because of a meanie on another post, but your plight reminded her to loosen up.
Oh! Guess what? I already knew you! Yep, I read your blog, the one where you upchucked. Don’t feel bad. I burp a lot.
People make my front half terrified, like you, but my butt won’t get with the program and it wiggles at strangers. Stupid butt. Don’t tell anyone, but little dogs scare me. Unless they’re real still. I like friends that just stand next to me. I wish we could meet and ignore each other. That would be so awesome.
I’m glad our moms are helping each other deal with our special talents. Stage moms need support, right?
Well, Friend Boogs, we are probably destined to be pen pals because–oh gosh, I hope you still like me when I tell you this–I am scared of *big* dogs! Except I pretend I am not scared and try to scare them more than they scare me! I am the most awesomest pretender, too. The one thing I do not do when I see a big dog is stay still and quiet. Just yesterday I tried to eat a Weimaraner! But he wouldn’t come over to my side of the fence, and then LadyPerson said I was too excited and had to come inside. And that was okay because there were no Weimaraners inside.
I think your butt needs to get it together. Or maybe your front end should listen to your butt? I don’t know. My butt wiggles really hard and fast when I am angry and scared but when I’m happy, it’s kinda big and loopy and almost knocks me over. LadyPerson says she can just look at my butt to see what kind of mood I’m in. But some people think all wiggly butts are good butts, and she has to tell StrangerPeople, “Just because his tail is wagging doesn’t mean he’s having a good time.”
LadyPerson got all excited this morning when she checked Facebook and said that your Mom linked the blog about me! She says I’m famous! I thought I already was, but whatever. Far as I can tell, being famous hasn’t gotten me any extra treats or anything, so I don’t see what the big deal is, but LadyPerson is really tickled and thinks your Mom is neat. We have another class tomorrow, so I will try to do something interesting that is worth writing about. Or LadyPerson will make something up. Whichever.
Dear Famous B,
It sounds like we would both scare each other half to death. Maybe we should just be pen pals then. We are excellent writers, if I do say so myself.
Why don’t our butts listen to us? Mine moves around so fast it practically its me in the face, even when I’m barking and trying to be tough (new people scare me!). My mom tells people not to be afraid of me, just to look at my wiggle butt, because it cannot tell a lie. Sigh. I wish humans were more fluent in butt-ese. Then they could tell the difference between an angry butt and loopy butt.
Good luck in your class tonight. Just remember – real dog people are like Pez dispensers. Just hang out and treats fall out of them.
I’d tip *my* 40 to that.