Accepting Reality: I’m a Crazy Dog Lady
Well, it finally happened. Today I officially became a Crazy Dog Lady. I’ve been teetering on the brink for years, but this afternoon I went ahead and jumped the shark.
Picture this: There I was, driving down the road with Mr. Dog Walker (aka the Snow Ninja). I looked over to the right as we cruised by a sweet little house that we’ve passed before. Once or twice, I had spotted an old black Lab lying out in the driveway of this house, sunning himself.
Today as we approached the house I spotted my friend again. Thinking of him enjoying this sunny day, warming his senior bones on the blacktop, I felt my heart swell up a little.
“Aw, look,” I said to Mr. Dog Walker, “I love that dog.” I pointed towards the driveway as we passed in front of the house.
Mr. Dog Walker looked at the driveway and looked back at me. He was looking at me like he thought maybe I was having a mild stroke.
One glance at his face and I knew I had done something weird. Again. Let’s face it, I see this look on his face a lot.
So I slowed down and looked more closely at the dog, lying there in the warm mid-day sun. And to my utter horror I realized that this dog, the one who I thought was taking a peaceful snooze was actually a…
wait for it…
wait.
for.
it.
A duffle bag.
A black gym bag, if you will. Some discarded luggage behind a parked car in a driveway.
Crap.
Yes, there had been a dog there in the past. But not today. My crazy dog lady brain had taken one look at this slouchy duffle bag and transposed the body of a resting dog.
Not only had I seen the dog instead of the bag, but I was moved by this bag. The sight of this bag at rest had made me feel all warm and fuzzy.
I was touched by a duffle bag.
“Oh ha! It’s a bag,” I said to Mr. Dog Walker who was now laughing partly at me, partly in fear of me.
“There was a dog there before. I swear.”
Right. Like it mattered.
In one brief moment I had rocketed over the line from: Professional Dog Lover to Crazy Dog Lady. The kind of dog nut that sees dogs everywhere and in everything. The kind of person that is moved to the brink of tears by the sight of a Lab-shaped duffle bag “napping” in the sun.
Oh man. The first step is admitting you have a problem right?
So where do I register? Is there a certificate that I should apply for, so that I can make my new status as a Crazy Dog Lady official? Will the DMV stamp a turd-shaped stencil over my photo? Do I register with local law enforcement to warn them of who they’re dealing with if they encounter me on the loose?
Really, I do feel like I earned at least some sort of official acknowledgement.
I certainly reached a new level of…something.
Should I add CDL to the end of my name? Jessica Dolce CDL (Crazy Dog Lady). Or like dog trainers, it could be CDL-KA for Crazy Dog Lady – Kraziness Assessed.
Maybe this was meant to be and I should roll with it. I can take inspiration from the “Lab” that changed it all aka my Heart-Duffle.
We recently bought some land, with a barn. Perhaps it’s time for me to open my own rescue. I could start by taking in small purses from last season. Maybe a clutch or two. Then move on to unwanted messenger bags, moldy gym bags, and backpacks. If I can secure 501c3 status, I might be able to raise funds to support a sanctuary for unwanted steamer trunks and unclaimed luggage.
They could live out the rest of their days in my fenced in yard, sitting in the sun, and capturing the eye of other Crazy Dog Ladies who drive by my house.
Sigh. Welcome to my new reality.
I mean well, I swear.
Yours Truly,
Jessica CDL
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notes from a dog walker 
Jessica this made me laugh so hard that I had to pass it along to other CDL’s in my life
Hysterical. I can so relate 🙂 Much appreciation from another CDL
Jessica, welcome! We’ve been waiting for you! You are only a level-one crazy-dog-lady though, you’d have come in at level-two if you had tried to walk the duffle bag!
Thank you! Oh and I’m sure I’ll cross that line eventually too. How much do you think I can charge for being a Duffle Walker?
hahahaha!!!!
Too funny. That is something you will never live down. I am positive there are a lot of those CDL that have not admitted it.. Good for you
Welcome to the club 🙂 We are all friendly here and won’t pee on your leg or anything, a simple paw shake is all we ask 🙂
I feel ya!! I’ve been known to snap my fingers at inanimate objects on the couch and command them to “get down” because they were in my spot.
I’d have to buy myself a dufflebag and sit in wait for the husband. Once he approached, I’d fight with the bag and delightfully squeal “Stop!! Stop licking me!! It tickles” Get down!!”
I’m dying! Too funny….and I’m ashamed, scratch that, PROUD to admit that I’m right there with you, miss CDL.
This was a terrific read and you had me drawn in immediately. I am also a Crazy Dog Lady and relate completely to your “Dog Gene” My turn to entertain you http://dogstwentyfourseven.wordpress.com/2012/01/05/the-dog-gene/ Thanks for the smiles, have you seen the Facebook page called Crazy Dog Ladies? Best wishes from Toronto from the two and four-legged.
Thank God there are others! I nearly got scared to death this weekend when I saw what I thought was a little black dog running across I-95 ahead of me. It was a solid black grocery bag blowing across the interstate. So relieved I didn’t swerve to avoid it, but I almost did.
Oh, the plastic bags get me too! So many inanimate objects to rescue, so little time, huh?
Yes, it’s exhausting.
Welcome to the CDL! I LOVE THIS BLOG. We are surely living the same exact life in parallel universes!
Hahahhahahaha good one! Count me in! I see and hear dogs almost everywhere! The more the merrier, lets have a FUN CLUB! 😀
Thank you for sharing the warning signs of slipping over that line to full-blown CDL! I’m inching ever closer!
I bet it was the DOG’s duffel bag though….so you’re not so crazy 😉
YES. That’s definitely it. Phew!
Bahaha. LOL. Don’t worry; I think I’m about at your level, too. You’re not alone!
This is hilarious, but at least it was the right color and in the right driveway, right? During grad school, every single night on my way home I swore a deer ready to jump in front of me in the darkness from a bank at the edge of the woods. We had a ton of deer in our town and frequently stop since where there’s one, more will be following. This particular “deer” was a tree stump. For two years straight that tree stump caught the corner of my eye!
Absolutely HILARIOUS! Clearly, many of us are members of this sisterhood. I say hooray for compassionate quirkiness!
Oh Jessica, it was just a matter of time. I have done the same thing and I have only confessed it to my friends. Who by the way already know I am a crazy dog lady. Have you ever driven by a lump in the road and stared in horror as you watched the movements of a dog that had been hit by a car. Your heart racing, you are barely breathing and praying you can get to it in time to save it’s life? Only to drive back, jump out of your car, doors still ajar, to realize it was a big plastic bag moving in the breeze? Welcome to my crazy dog lady world!
Sorry, still laughing to hard to type much!
So glad I wasn’t drinking my coffee when I read, “”Will the DMV stamp a turd-shaped stencil over my photo?” Hysterical.
Oh, I can identify. I often swell up with tears when I see a raccoon lying on the side of the highway…only to find out it’s actually a muffler when I pass by.
Those mufflers get me every time. Sniff.
OMG – I thought I was the only one! The other evening while out walking our actual dog, I stopped a woman walking toward us down the hill in the deepening dusk. “Hey,” I said to her, “your dog isn’t following you, he’s still sitting at the top of the hill.” She gave me that look you describe on your husband’s face and walked on without speaking. How rude, I thought . . . until I reached the “dog” and realized it was a bright orange traffic cone! I SWEAR I’d seen a german shepherd or such sitting up there. My husband’s walking a little further away from me ever since.
Oh man, that’s a really good one!!
As both a CDL and a CPL (Crazy Purse Lady), I will be glad to contribute when you get your 501c3 status set up for your purse rescue.
Thank you Noelle. Somewhere out there is a purse with a torn lining that will now get a 2nd chance because of your support!
I’m sure the following story has happened many times. This happened over 30 years ago in a shopping center parking lot. Very hot day; person walking by a car saw a dog in back seat. Tapped on window. Dog didn’t move. Called another passer-by over. Couldn’t get the dog to respond. Found a police officer. He looked in; tapped on window; no response. Decided the only way to save the dog was to break the window. Just as he did the owner ran up to car yelling what was going on. The officer said they were saving the dog from the heat. Owner: What dog? That’s my child’s stuffed toy. Oops.
I laughed so hard I nearly peed in my pants last night while I was reading this!! I had tears in my face from laughing so much. And I needed the laughs, so I thank you! I consider myself a CDL too, and I can relate. But my hubby’s a CDG (Crazy Dog Guy), so he usually sees dogs everywhere & in everything, like you and I do. If we ever win PowerBall or MegaMillions, we’re gonna buy a bigger house on a huge piece of property and set up a senior dog sanctuary/rescue. I want to take in older dogs who need a new family to love them for whatever reason. My own Goldens are 9 and 8-1/2 and have been together with us since the younger one was 7 weeks old. I hate to think of them being separated if anything ever happened to us! So, I would definitely take in pairs. Oh, to have the cash! Sigh…😔
Do you think there is a 12- step program for people like us? I came to the realization that I, too, was a CDL when I was telling my husband what all the neighborhood dogs had been up to while he was away. And, I used the dogs’ names, but referenced their owners only by their gender. I know the dogs on my block on a more ‘personal’ level than my neighbors. Crazy.
HAHA! OMP, I’M NOT ALONE!!! Thank you for that confession. I seriously feel SO much more normal now. Well… “normal”.
Hi Nola’s mom…wait, what’s your name again? Diane? ; )
Awesome:-) You’re (we’re) in great company!
Y’all are my (crazy) people. Here’s to the CDL Tribe.
Sweating from laughing so hard. Have done and thought similar. OH, the SWEATY LAUGHING!
Sweaty Laughing is the name of my new band. Love it.
Tears in my eyes from laughing!
This is so very recognizable, I love it.
Welcome to the CDL-club!
Thank you Jessica, reading your story gave me the courage to admit to myself and the world what my family and friends had been telling me for years…that I drink too much, whoops sorry, wrong blog I meant that I am a crazy dog lady. Cant wait to hear the next instalment which will no doubt involve rehab and relapses and binge rescuing.
LOL it reminded me of….well me. I see dogs everywhere. And I’m particularly intrigued with the CDL after your name, I think it’s brilliant.
I just cracked up! Too funny. I am fully aware that I too am a CDL…to the point where I tend to talk to the dogs more than I do my boyfriend…oops. Welcome to the crazy club 🙂
I am Charlotte and I am a CDL. Nice to be in good company!!
Oh how funny!…..it happens!! Perhaps too often but thank goodness it was only a duffle bag & not something worse……just gotta laugh about these things…… 🙂
Absolutely fantastic…
I’m having new business cards printed asap!
Thank you for the belly laugh.
Seeing a duffle bag doesn’t make you a crazy dog lady, it’s only proof that when the brain doesn’t get enough “details” on something you “see” it fills in the blanks and tries to make sense of the shapes, in this case a sleeping black dog. And as long as your taking care of what you have that doesn’t make you a crazy dog lady either.